Even, Still

I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating on whether or not I should discuss what I’m about to talk about–but after spending some time in prayer, I’ve realized that if I can just reach one soul, I have done what God has intended for me to do…

2019 brought a whirlwind of emotions for me.

It was a year of change, a year of growth, a year of transparency.

As some of you may know, I was engaged at the beginning of last year. And, as some of you may have noticed…well, now, I am not.

It’s not really talked about: broken engagements, and let me tell you, it’s a real hurt that I pray no one will ever experience. However, I will say that God has a way of making all things beautiful in time.

In the midst of all of the troubles that overshadowed my sanity, I’ve realized that Jesus has always been my anchor. I’ve also learned that God’s plans are always better than my own and that there is beauty in broken engagements.

You see, we live in a generation where we want things “now”. We tend to rush things before it’s even time. Things, so precious as marriage, should not be taken lightly. Although I’ve never been married before, I do know that it takes a lot of commitment and sacrifice.

With that being said,

It’s okay to say no.

It’s okay to want more and to expect more.

If you’re truly not ready for that next step in life or if you know that you deserve better, wait. Please listen to me. Waiting is way better than regretting decisions for the rest of your life.

To this day, I am forever thankful to God for giving me the peace, love, comfort and direction that I needed during that trial. I honestly don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for His saving grace.

I have spent most of 2019 putting on a fake smile, criticizing myself, feeling unworthy, blaming others, holding grudges…the list goes on. It was such a vicious cycle and it was starting to affect my mental health altogether. I lost myself–I actually hated myself and my identity was slowly distorting. I hurt people because I was hurt and for that, I am truly sorry.

But enough’s enough. It’s 2020. It’s time to do better and be better…and that’s exactly what I intend on doing in this next chapter of my life.

So, here’s to happy living and more growth. It’s definitely been a journey, but for some reason, I know that this new year will be the best year yet. I can feel it.

Until next time, friends.

Xoxo

Sincerely,

Shae